previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
The vessel's going and there's like a disruption like you feel it like, like almost like it goes over a heavy speed bump.
Everybody else feel that?
Yeah, it's bumpy.
I don't know. This is a new territory for me.
It's feeling, it feels different, though.
There's a wash of energy that fills through the vessel.
And what you don't see, but the camera kind of zooms out of the ship and up above the ocean is you've passed through this barrier and on the other side of this barrier is bright sunlight, a green forested island, and clean,
clear, breathable air as we look over the island of Mastika.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
I'm your Dungeon Master Russ More.
He, him also with me today is Tom Laird.
He, him playing a bunch of characters, all of which go by he, him, Telgir, Heavyfoot, and also Moot.
Oh, and Flint and Bort and probably some more as well.
So many.
I'm playing all of them. They're all of the characters.
Yeah. And with us is Carla Maxted.
She, her. I will also be playing multiple characters.
Most of the still living ones.
Well, it's good to, you know, qualify.
I don't want to set up any expectations.
I am playing Glim or Super Glim, as I'm calling her, and also Yen Bull, Nury, and they both go by she, her.
And maybe she's found the voice.
It's Amy More.
We'll have to find out.
Yes, she, her, and I am playing only two characters, which I feel like I'm probably slacking in terms of the amount of characters being played.
But I'm playing Thea Amastasia, she, her, and I am playing Super Sully, he, him.
It's important to distinguish between the very baby and the...
Russ, if you could just, yeah, if you could just dub me back in saying Super Moot, that'd be great.
All right, just give me a clean Super Moot.
Super Moot.
Yeah, perfect.
It's really how I have to have my character sheets different so that I'm not like, what am I?
Oh.
Oh, right.
And it's great to have you all here, all of you being all of your characters.
They're happy to be here too, Russ.
Thank you.
It's nice to have you, Russ More, the human here also.
Indeed.
Not us three, apparently.
Just the characters.
Yeah, no, no, just the characters.
But it's also nice to see all of you and do this thing that we're doing, which is playing all of the characters all of the time.
It's like we're all our own DMs of our own little universe.
I hope everybody's keeping up.
It's like that Bo Burnham song.
A little bit of everything all of the time.
Exactly.
And where you can get a little bit of everything all the time is over on Patreon.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
You're welcome.
There's a little bit of everything over there.
Like when you become a patron, you get an episode dedicated to you.
Today's patron being the person that gets the episode dedicated is Dakota Hitchner.
Dakota, thank you so much.
Thanks, Dakota.
Thanks so much, Dakota.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
We hope to see you over there.
It's a great time.
And now, fuck it, let's play.
Everyone being the refuge and resistance from formerly known as Waterdeep,
city of Orcus, Castle Orcus, has made it to the remote islands of Mastika.
After having a long and harrowed battle with an undead kraken,
they breached through what could only be described as a barrier from the darkness,
found themselves coming up and seeing lush green forests,
a sky that is filled with the warmest sunlight,
and a group of people who have found this place or been on this place when it was established.
All of you have come ashore and have spent the last couple days resting and recuperating
and everybody eating and sleeping.
Sleeping, the first time in a long time for many of these people having been living in a sewer
for years, sleeping a full night's rest.
We join Mook, Glim, and Sully who are stretching and leaving their lean-to tents,
taking in the fresh crisp morning air coming off the ocean breeze.
Oh man, I think that was the best sleep I had in years.
Me too, that was amazing.
The only thing that's kind of a little bit weighing on my conscience,
do you guys mind if I confess something?
Oh, sure, yeah, by all means.
I think I was a bit of a jerk.
How so?
In fact, I definitely was totally a jerk.
Well, hold on, you?
No, I don't believe it.
Well, like-
No, guys, seriously, Thea hates me.
So I probably need to like, oh, I made a bad impression.
Wait, hold on, did you make her read the pamphlet?
She doesn't look like someone who reads a pamphlet.
Oh man, I wish I still had pamphlets around.
I bet maybe in here somewhere.
I don't think it was a bad impression.
It was a high pressure situation, there was a lot going on.
Well, yeah, I'm sure that it was nothing.
That's really, it's so nice of you guys to say that, but I definitely,
if we see her and she doesn't just like totally avoid me,
I probably, I'll try to apologize at some point if we see her and it seems like-
Yeah, okay, yeah, can we not do that awkward thing
sometimes where like somebody is all like passive aggressive and stuff?
Because I mean, they're really,
I can't think of anything that you could have done that would,
I mean, does she still have both her eyes?
She does, so it can't be that bad.
Yeah, she still has both her eyes.
Yeah, she does still, you make a, you make a good point.
We cut across the camp as we see Thea and Yenbul rounding a bend
and coming into this open clearing who see Moot, Glim, and Sully across the way.
Ah, shit, here she comes, it's gonna be awkward.
Oh, hey, Yenbul?
Yeah?
Have you like talked a lot to Glim?
It's Glim.
Glim, have you talked, have you?
Well, yes.
She's very nice.
Really?
I know that she made a bit of a bad impression with you, was a real jerk.
Okay, I feel better that you just said that.
Because I was thinking that she was being kind of a jerk
telling me not to do magic and everything like that.
And then she went ahead and did magic.
And I'm not saying that magic's my thing,
because I know magic's a lot of people's thing.
Um, but magic's like my thing.
What else?
Like, I mean, sure, I can shoot a bow sometimes.
And I'm not trying to be self-conscious or anything.
I'm not thinking she's coming in here stealing my thunder.
It's just like, it was kind of, it was rude, right?
Well, yes, it was rude.
And I think that high stress, high stress situation, that was the problem.
She's been very sweet since we've been here.
I think you should, if she approaches you, perhaps try.
Okay.
Yeah, well, I'm not going to go putting my nose in there because it was weird.
And I'm not going to force a friendship.
I'm not, it has to happen naturally.
Of course.
And I just, you know, I wanted some reassurance that I was no reacting, you know?
Because I mean, nobody owns magic.
But I mean, like, she was acting like she owned magic.
Well, I think she thinks she owns Bahamut.
He's not, that's not quite right.
But he is her number one god, missing, comes back, is maybe made her a bit crazy.
Well, I get it.
Well, like, I mean, I don't get it.
I mean, he's really old, but whatever they, you know.
I don't think you're misunderstanding.
I don't think, um...
We cut to the medical tent.
No, no.
Let's talk about the relationship.
I love leaving on a misunderstanding.
Yeah, Thea thinks we're fucking.
We cut to a small makeshift medical tent in this town where Telgir and Leosin
and a couple other of the refugees are looking over the wounded
and unconscious.
Primarily being Bahamut, Grancis and Flint,
all of which are still remaining in an unconscious comatose state.
Don't we have any idea at all when these three are waking up?
I mean, I was hoping that it would be soon.
We've been here for a couple days.
There's been no real improvement in Flint.
Um, Grancis has stirred, which is a promising sign.
It was weird that he mumbled something about pancakes when he stirred.
Like, what's all that about?
Well, you didn't really know, you didn't know Grancis.
He was sucked into the abyss long before we crossed paths.
Grancis is a bit of a connoisseur of the morning baked goods.
Morning baked goods almost exclusively.
So pancakes, muffins, flat waffles.
So he bakes his pancakes?
Yes.
These must be some special pancakes.
Well, it's more of a I feel like a magical convection is he would explain it so much better.
Okay, I'll I'll take your word for it.
Yes, of course.
But when he wakes up, I want some of these baked pancakes.
The first thing I've been awake for two minutes.
Get in the kitchen.
The first thing I'm sure he will do is present people with pancakes.
Well, I mean, it does sound like from what you've said, that's his whole deal.
It's what the fans want.
Yeah, I just I just want we bonded.
I just want to check on the old guy.
So great news.
Do you have great news?
Oh, we're here for great news.
Well, the great news, yes, the great.
We do have great news is that we do.
The the lovely people here in in Brightcliffs have allowed us to stay and take care of our wounded.
Oh, well, that is great news.
That is great news.
Yes, it is great news.
There's some been some movement in Grancis.
Are they at the old guy?
Bahamut is he how's how's the pulse check there?
I mean, still slow and weak like it was when we got here.
At least the one guy showing some improvement.
These other two, I don't know.
I'm I'm sure it's a bit more color in his in his in his cheeks.
No.
Well, yeah, but that's just because I was like pinching them.
Yes.
Well, but a good sign that blood flow is happening.
God's have blood flow.
Yes.
I mean, that was that's one explanation for it.
Yeah.
When he's corporeal, I guess he has like a pulse and blood flow.
Yes.
And stuff.
Yeah.
Well, I got like a God question.
Oh, I have been waiting.
Oh, don't get so excited.
It's probably just okay.
I'll let Glim lead.
Okay, I'm ready.
So right now he is corporeal, right?
So let's just say he dies.
Not saying he's gonna, but let's say he's not.
Well, no.
So, for example.
Okay.
Yes.
Just hypothetical.
He dies, but he's a God.
So does his just corporeal form die and then he is just his spiritual form?
And if so, should we just kill him, release his godly spirit
and just like fucking let that just fix everything?
These are the questions I have.
I have a dagger if we need it.
Or if you want to do it in a more like, you know, religious kind of way,
like we could, I don't know, grot him or a drowning,
which would kind of be like a baptism, but not quite or.
Right.
Here is what I think.
If there was no orcas destroying the world, killing all the magic,
disappearing the gods,
then I think you're a little bit right.
I mean, Bahamad is eternal and wouldn't just be gone forever.
But, but, but, but, but.
Sully was like pulling a dagger.
I'm just like inching towards his bed.
But this is not normal times.
This is this is he's a refugee from a secret prison.
I mean, this might be the last little bit of him.
So I think we really just need to try and get this guy back awake.
Yeah, I'm going to have to agree with the dragon lady there.
I think if this form is gone, he might be gone altogether.
OK, well, I wasn't going to do it without asking.
It wasn't going to be like one of those.
I thought it was a good idea.
I just, you know, what one to put it out there.
It's me, Sullivan slight, asking the asking the hard questions.
Right.
Who else is going to ask if we should kill Glim's god?
It's good that you ask these questions, Sully, because otherwise, how do we know?
That's right.
We don't know.
And like, who knows?
This could be Orcus's way of keeping him hailed hostage here on Earth,
not being able to help anybody.
Moon makes a note to watch Sully went around Bahamut's body.
And also the movie Dogma.
It's good film.
So what can we do?
I've been obviously praying.
I have been working out in a prayerful way.
Maybe there's a magic fruit we could get him.
Yes.
Is there something like we could do?
Like a quest?
Could we go get a magic fruit?
This is a great idea, Sully.
Like a MacGuffin of sorts.
Is there something that...
Do you have any idea?
Or is it just, you know...
I think we just feel like we need to do something, right?
Yeah, I'd like to do something.
If we could have a checklist of some kind.
No, yes, of course.
Well, I don't know if there's a magical fruit.
I don't know what is exactly native to this region.
You could perhaps go talk to the town council.
See if there is anything of that sort that they are aware of.
Or maybe don't...
Sit around with the thumbs up our asses?
No, let's go to the town council.
Maybe don't kill him.
I...
Listen, I'm not gonna...
I know, just hypothetical posing the situation.
You're one of the...
Sully, that's what I value most about you on the team,
is that you put these questions out into the ether
with a look in your eye of...
You could follow through with them.
Well, yeah, but I got these two to keep me in check, huh?
I mean, he nods over, huh?
Yeah.
Also, I don't think Glen would ever talk to me again.
That would just hurt my feelings.
Of course.
It's true.
Perhaps, perhaps you go visit the town council.
Tulki and I will continue monitoring for signs that he is...
He is coming to, watching his aura, and hoping...
Has anyone tried kissing him?
Not that I am aware of.
I don't know.
That's just sticky territory.
He's asleep.
He doesn't know what's happening.
He can't exactly consent.
Exactly.
It's probably not...
I read stories about it,
and it used to wake people up in towers and stuff.
So, I don't know.
If you get desperate and put it in your back pocket.
Yes, of course.
We won't say never,
and I'm sure, being a god, he might see the humor in it
if it doesn't work.
I imagine a little spirit form of Bahamut standing right next to him.
Probably being like...
Just pull the...
Just do this, and then...
Kiss me.
Or like, you know, just release me from this mortal form.
Yeah, those are two, like,
Well, I just wanted to get some variety, right?
I'm just giving some variety.
Okay, so the town council then, right?
I'm gonna exit.
It's just not a...
Ooh, a lot of feelings in this tent.
We'll stay and monitor,
and you'll be the first to know.
I think you should tell Glenn first, though.
I'll be back in like two to three hours.
Probably, you know, you see me every two to three hours.
So, see you soon.
One of us will be here, right, Tallgear?
Of course.
Making sure nobody else kisses Bahamut.
Or cuts his throat.
Or...
Or that.
I was implying that...
Both suggested by Sully.
Both were suggested by Sullivan Slyte.
I'm gonna end up on some sort of blacklist.
Come on, you guys, let's go.
Let's just go.
I think that they forgot that I took care of him
while all you guys were fighting that weird squid.
As the three of you leave the tent,
you hear their footsteps fade off,
and Leosun looks to Tallgear and says,
well, let's just make sure Sully doesn't come back in alone.
Yeah, I've already let the guards know about that.
Yes. Swap the claws on everybody's head there.
I will go get us some food, okay?
Perfect.
Tallgear walks over and begins changing cold compresses
and checking mirrors and pauses on Flint
and holds the mirror up to his nose and watches,
and you don't see a sign of breath for a while.
Long enough that it gives you start
and then there's a sudden jolt
where his eyes open and then quickly close
and his breath starts back up again.
And we fade to a scene in a tavern.
Bort and Flint seated at the table,
staring at each other, drinks half finished.
Well, what's next?
What makes you think I know what's next?
Dreamwalker, right?
That's what you call me.
You think I'm the dreamwalker.
Maybe we're both stuck in a dream, friend.
Okay, well then what's next for the both of us?
Well, my dream was very different from your dream,
and they merged.
So how do we make that happen?
Maybe to the point where we wake up.
I know we're both in the same body.
That could be difficult.
Yeah, what was the state you were in?
Do you even remember?
I don't know.
I kind of remember flying pyramid and that's about it.
Is there anybody that you-
Oh, and dragon scales.
I had scales all over my body.
Good, good sign.
And he looks down at his arms.
He himself covered, of course, in dragon scales, being a dragonborn.
You without dragon scales.
That's probably not a great sign for you.
As yourself.
Is there anybody in this- where were we again?
I mean, I don't know.
There's some clerics in Mithril Hall, but-
Sure.
Are they still here if we're in this dream world?
I mean, I guess there's only one way to find out.
Yeah, yeah, you're right.
Okay, I guess we don't even need to finish our drink.
Let's just go.
Yeah, I guess you got it.
Money just appears on the table.
The two of them get up and head down towards the temple
as we fade into this large- the largest building in this village.
It is domed.
There is a long red dyed carpet that leads from the door
all the way up to three large thrones, one of them being
a little bit larger, a lot larger than the other two.
There are crude paintings on the wall that look like a child did them,
of various Tabaxi-looking character.
And Mooklim and Sully open the doors to this and enter in
to this large empty throne room.
Like the echo of your footsteps rings out throughout this
and a younger person comes walking out from a back room and says,
oh, hello, hello, you're some of the travelers, yes?
That is correct.
Yes, yes, we are.
I'm Cedric, I'm the hand to the king.
What can I do for you?
Are you the right hand or the left hand?
He holds up his hands.
Which one's the better one?
That's a good question, I'm not sure.
Yeah, I guess we don't know your customs, so I guess.
Customs are fluid here in Brightcliffs.
Sometimes I have a job and sometimes I don't.
But I always get paid every week, so at least they're consistent that way.
Perhaps you are both hands.
That could be, that could be.
I am both hands to the king.
You've come for something, to profess something, to do something.
Check a box.
Do you have something or would you like to receive something from the king?
Is this more of like that left hand, right hand situation?
Yeah, it doesn't exactly fit into one of those.
Is there an other checkbox that we could?
I'd say receive because we're looking for information.
We are looking, yes, for information.
Receive information, all right.
He pulls out a clipboard, receive information.
And sorry, I haven't met everybody and remembered everybody's names yet.
You are?
I'm Glim.
Glim.
Moot.
Sully.
Sully, okay.
And it was Cedric, right?
Cedric, yes.
Yes, I am the hand, aka the intern here.
And could you just very quickly just remind me of the name of the king?
Oh yes, yes, he prefers to just be referred to as king,
but others know him as King Opalite Brightcliffs.
Also, if you could steer me to your intern memorial wall.
How do you know about the intern memorial wall?
I've heard of these things from our travels around before.
Of course, yes.
It has its own domicile, its own building, just a few down.
So it's more than just the one wall?
Well, it covers all four walls, yes.
Okay, so being an intern currently yourself,
does that give you any cause for concern?
Well, I'm the hand.
I'm the hand, not solely an intern.
They changed the name recently.
Is there also a hand memorial wall?
No.
Okay, just curious.
Hey, maybe you'll be the first.
Ooh, the Cedric hand memorial wall.
They could name it after you.
I don't think I understand what memorial is.
Let me just go get the king,
and maybe he'll have the information you're looking for.
Cedric quickly runs back out, and you're left alone in this chamber.
Can I go look more at the art on the wall?
Yeah, the tapestries and things like that.
Let's see them.
You go look at the art, and they all,
as you get closer to them and examine them a little more closely,
at a distance and a glance,
they could be different to Baxi.
But they are, as you get closer,
have very similar features, just in different outfits.
Some pirate, some more just common villager,
one in a very colorful, like new wave vibe,
long flowing mullet and keytar.
Love it.
And more of these scenes just all around.
One where this Tabaxi is dressed up as what looks to be a knoll,
and as you're kind of perusing them and walking around
and just getting a lay of the land,
the door to this other room opens up,
and you hear a voice echo out into it and says,
Yes, yes, you've come to see me.
I am the king, Opal A. Brightcliff's here.
What can I do for you?
He jumps up and over the throne and lands down,
just like legs up on the armrest,
just noodling on the keytar.
It's really great to meet you, Your Highness.
Yeah, lovely to meet you.
It's nice to have you in my town here.
It's a nice place, isn't it?
I hear it's really bad still out there.
Oh, yeah, it's, this is just wonderful.
Yes, not great, not great.
You must be a really good leader
to have maintained the safety and beauty of your town.
Thank you. Yes, I am.
I noticed this is, are these all you?
Are just strong family resemblance?
Yes, they are all me.
Wow, so you haven't just been a king.
You've had a very varied career.
I've had a storied career.
It's long scrolls rolling out down this entire thing here.
The great hall?
Is that what you mean by thing?
Yeah, I mean, if that's what you call it here,
I don't like to just demean halls
by giving them value in either size or shape
or grandiose-ness, which it is quite.
Oh, very much so.
Yes, took many a moon to finish the build on this one.
I'm sorry, you've got that squeaky toy
that you're playing with there.
Is that just for stress?
I was gonna say.
It's like a fidget.
Oh, Paul would totally have a fidget.
He's sitting there with a fidget spinner
and just like meh.
Yes.
So, Your Highness, we have a question for you.
Fire, shoot.
You know how.
Is it about how great my mullet is?
Well, that was gonna be our second question.
That was more of a comment than a question.
Thank you.
Yeah, fantastic.
The music sounds really good, too.
I mean.
Well, it keeps it flowing, if you know what I'm saying.
The mullet?
Yes.
Okay.
What we're curious about is,
so you know of this situation in the world.
Yes.
And how we are in possession of a god.
What?
Was that a secret, you guys?
Well, they should have told us.
They told us to come here.
Yeah, did nobody?
Well, they might have told one of the others.
Yeah, you know what, this is day to day stuff
and your big picture kind of.
Yes, that's true.
I take care of the high level, all the contracts,
all of the pencil pushing, all that sort of stuff.
Absolutely.
I don't want to miss the eyes being dotted
and the teeth being crossed.
Yes, yes.
That's very important.
So, what we're wondering is,
is there anything real special about this island of yours?
Yes.
Oh, there you go with that toy again.
It's that sweet.
I like it.
Would you like to give it a squeak?
I would.
So close.
It's got a crinkle to it too.
Yeah, it's a little different depending on where you squeeze it.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
I'm just going to hold on to it.
So, we're just wondering if there's something
maybe magical on this island that could help.
Yes.
A quest, right?
That's what we're looking for.
Yeah.
Yeah, like is there a very wise old woman
who lives in the woods that might have knowledge
or someone mentioned a magic fruit?
Yeah, maybe something that excels at waking people from comas.
Yes.
Yeah, something like that.
A restorative power.
Yes.
Yes, to all things things.
Yes, those all sound like great things, don't they?
Could I ask an, let's say, related but different question?
When we were coming here, I feel like we were told
we were looking for a town council.
And yet when we arrive, it's you, Your Majesty.
It's a king that seems sort of a different form of governance.
And I just...
Well, the rest of the council is out.
So wait, you're a member of the council, even though you're the king?
Yes, we are the king's council.
The king is, of course, in charge of the council.
Right.
Oh, so then you don't even need quorum to make decisions.
You can just do it all yourself.
Sure, of course.
Yes, I make decisions all the time with no repercussions at all.
We made it to the middle.
That's where we will sing some jewel and everybody joins in
because it's three o'clock and there's a thing on the phone.
That's not the words.
Schmo.
No, I'm pretty sure that's the words.
I'm already home.
There's a thing on the phone.
She was quite known for her lyrics.
She's a poet, you know.
Didn't know it.
Three o'clock thing on the phone.
They said sing jewel and then nobody sang.
It was just silence that you heard.
You said sing jewel.
Did I?
You said sing jewel and then you did it and it was so lovely.
That's, guys, a little peek into behind the curtain,
mine and Russ's marriage here.
Sings like that to me every night, the only way I can go to sleep.
You're already asleep.
So those nights when you leave before we're technically 100%
finished to go to sleep after the record,
Russ then hustles up sweet lullabies.
My bedtime routine is quite extensive.
So yeah, by the time.
30 minutes and I'm right on time.
Then just you're ready for the lullaby.
That's perfect.
Or I also have it recorded if need be.
In every episode.
But I mean, you can't beat the light.
You can't beat the energy.
It's different every hour.
If you know this about rest, but when he sings lyrics,
it is almost never the same twice.
So it's he also where you miss part of it because this is an audio medium,
but he does make quite a face.
He does.
Yeah.
Well, that's singing, particularly the jewel.
I've never noticed it before.
But with the jewel, there's really a face.
Jewel's got the vibe.
Yeah, you got to get the like that you got to pull it.
And then it then it then it just all comes.
We're not something other than singing bad jewel is that all the great folks
over in our discord who are helping out with the Dungeon's wiki.
That's right.
Did you know there was a Dungeon's wiki?
I forgot.
It's so crazy.
You know what?
I was thinking the other day, man, I wish there was some place I could go
other than my mind palace to figure out what should I've done.
Who is that person?
I would like to, for myself, look it up.
What if they make this wiki really good and then we become good at D&D?
I think that's the key.
It's all coming full circle.
We can remember all the stuff because it's so complicated.
We need your help to be better.
And I mean, this is not the first call to action we've put out
that sounds like this, but if you are interested.
Hold on first, first, first, let's thank the people who are doing it
of their own free will and volition.
It's only a few people who are breaking their backs on this.
Kat, Waterflame, thank you.
You came in and started it some time ago, but that's totally cool.
You started that.
You started the ball rolling.
Kaloshi in our discord at Kaloshi came in and started adding to it, piling on.
And then just just last night, Sir Leon pops into the discourse like
wild Sir Leon appeared because that's because he's a Pokemon like that.
And then immediately was like, is this the official one?
I'm adding stuff.
Here's questions.
So many questions.
I will answer every single question you have to make this thing good,
but I cannot for the life of me, write it down.
There's a mental block in my brain that as soon as I sit down to write it down,
it's gone.
But if there's a question there, I have it there for you.
Dysgraphia, that's what it's got.
Okay, perfect.
It's clinical.
It's a thing.
Also check out betterhelp.com.
Better Help cannot help you with dysgraphia.
Just throw that out there.
Fair enough.
I thought there was an catch up.
But now back to we want to help those three people specifically.
Amy Goh.
Oh, okay.
So if you know anything about our podcast that we ourselves likely forgot.
Spoiler, that's everything.
Head on over to Discord.
Link is in the description.
And join us there.
And not only will you meet just a literal buttload of awesome people.
That's like maybe a metric buttload.
That's Canadian.
Yeah.
Of people that are really awesome.
But you could also maybe hop on that wiki.
We got a channel for it.
Sort of.
We will.
By the time this is, it's there now.
Just go in and start screaming, where the wiki at?
And then someone will point you in the right direction.
If someone could come and go wiki wiki wah, that'd be great.
Could it be wiki wiki wah?
Like you did with the TikTok one?
Yeah, yeah, sure.
We'll probably need to wait for a gook hang.
That was a gook hang.
People created.
That's right.
Listener created.
TikTok, don't stop.
DJ, blow my records up.
Really long interlude to say, please help us be better.
Thank you.
That's all.
Huge thanks to the people who are already doing it.
Again, unprompted of their own free will.
If you have any knowledge in there, we would love for you to come
join them and greatly appreciate it.
From the bottom of our cold Canadian hearts,
because it's so cold in the winter up here,
not because we're mean or something like that,
but just because we're cold.
Sure.
We would thank you.
And that's the end of the middle.
Can you take us out?
I know you love me and.
Wow, that's really like.
It's 3 a.m.
That's Matchbox 20.
I'm so cold.
That's Matchbox 20.
And something else.
It's a mashup.
It's very hip for us.
The Jewel Matchbox 20 mashup.
We were all waiting for.
But you know what?
You love it.
OK, bye, everybody.
Yes, I make decisions all the time with no repercussions at all.
OK, I was just curious.
Sorry, my curiosity just a little bit got the better of me.
But anyway, back to like the magic fruit or the secret pond.
Wise old hag.
Wise woman.
Where do we like?
Which of those do you have?
What's the most powerful and what direction?
OK, I know we need to save some.
I know of a couple couple people who might be able to help.
OK, they don't like to come into town.
I mean, they came into town when you guys came in here,
but they don't like to come into town too often anymore.
For reasons.
I don't I don't know what reasons,
but they live just like outside of town.
What do these people?
What do they do?
Do they have names?
Well, they're part of the council.
Oh, OK, but they don't like to come into town.
Well, I mean, that's why the king takes care of
most of the kingly duties of the king's council, obviously.
But yeah, Elia 900, they don't like to come in here very often.
And so, I mean, yes, Elia 900 are their names and they are.
They know a lot about this island because they they go out into the world.
They didn't they wanted to.
If there's a magic fruit, I'm sure they found it.
And hidden it from me.
Oh, OK, well, I got so many questions that seems disloyal.
You know, there's a little bit of backstory
that you probably don't have about me.
Opalite Brightcliffs here to Baxi Bard and I am.
You go to Patreon.com
You can find out all about Opalite Brightcliffs.
But after all of that lovely story that you're going to go find out about,
they brought him here because I was concerned about obviously
a family and needing to be safe.
And they didn't have any.
So I brought them along out of the goodness of my heart
and made them council after, of course,
I found out that my father had passed in my absence
and just kind of inherited the kingly duties.
And they found me insufferable, I think, as a word that Night Hunter used,
which was a very big word for her.
She's been getting better.
Anyways, long story short, Ili and Night Hunter likely have groves of magic fruit trees.
That are secret from you.
That are secret from me.
OK, I mean, again, that seems really rude considering you saved them.
And you're the king.
I assume by bringing them here and you're the king and you seem very nice and obviously
super handsome.
Look at all these you're a pirate in this one.
Are you a chef?
Yes.
Are you a gnoll in this one?
I am a gnoll in that one.
Oh, you did it.
Hey, good job, Sully, right?
Yes.
Good.
Good work.
Thanks, you guys.
So where I guess where would we go to find these folks?
Should I take you?
Are you allowed out?
I'm the king.
I'm allowed to go out anywhere.
But I mean, your life is so sacred.
I'm not doing anything.
Let me just go wrap up a few leather pieces of paperwork here and we'll be out on our way.
OK.
I mean, that's very generous of you.
Is it dangerous for all the council members to be in one place at a time?
Well, we've got to watch out for the loose fire.
But other than that.
Sorry, the loose fire?
Yeah, loose fire.
Is that just what it sounds like?
Well, this is a very magical place and fire just springs freely.
Oh.
From locations.
OK, yeah.
OK.
Well, I mean.
I will show you where all the loose fire is.
Or keep us away from the loose fire.
Paperwork, I'm doing it.
OK.
So we ditch this guy as soon as we can, right?
Because I mean like.
I mean.
Yeah, I think that's the way to go.
Like, wow.
It's an unorthodox ruling style.
I haven't seen.
We haven't seen anything like this, I don't think, in any of our travels.
Just quite a decentralized power, but also very centralized power.
I'm not sure.
I have a feeling like the council members just kind of watch the king
and make sure he doesn't like fuck shit up and stuff.
Yeah, I got that impression, too.
Kind of like how Calacrist was like, you know, keeping tabs on her bros.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's a good parallel to draw.
OK, I get all my paperwork ready.
Sure.
Is it a long journey?
Do we need more supplies?
I brought my backpack.
But that's just more for costume changes than anything.
Of course.
Yeah, it does look like you're going on safari or something.
Do we need to be similarly outfitted?
Or this is just because the pith helmet is very.
It's a good look.
Thank you.
Are those cargo pants?
Well, you can store more things in them like this red nose.
And this cat ears here.
You can try these ones on.
Hey, are those both pants and shorts?
Oh, do they have the zipper in the middle?
You bet.
Oh, wow, you're ready for anything.
Well, you got to be ready for all occasions
because it's a cool morning, but it's going to be a hot afternoon.
So you're like one of those.
You're not just one of those kings who just sits up on the throne
and is like, whatever, you get in there.
Get in the mix.
That's what they say.
King Opalite Brightcliffs gets in the mix.
Doesn't hide behind cloaks.
Doesn't hide behind trees.
Doesn't hide behind his friends.
Gets in it.
Can you run through that slogan one more time?
I like to take notes.
Gets in it.
Oh, that was it.
OK, yeah, I think that was the just of it.
I mean, those were other things that people other people said.
There's a lot of definitely doesn't do these things.
Oh, do you think she's out of the tent?
Should we go in?
I don't want to be stuck in the tent in there with her.
Well, no, it's that's too awkward.
Can you poke your head?
I poke your head.
OK, OK.
Hello.
Yenball?
Yeah, is there a.
Get in here.
I need your help.
Oh, OK, I'm going in.
OK, so you need this one, Flint.
I had a little thing earlier where, like, he opened his eyes.
Oh, that's.
But then that's good.
But then shut his eyes again and hasn't really moved since then.
Yenball, is it?
Can I come in?
Come in, come in.
Something is going on with your friend.
Really?
What?
Thea.
Yeah.
So with Flint, there was he he like opened his eyes earlier,
but then that was it.
Just right back to sleep.
OK, but I mean, that's more than he's done.
And like, what is time?
OK, so.
Did he say anything?
Nope, just seemed like kind of a gasp for for breath.
And then right back to coma land.
You don't need to make it sound so whimsical.
Oh, I mean, it is not, I don't think.
OK, well, I feel like this is a good sign.
So I think so.
I mean, change is good.
It's better than just.
What about where are we at in the scaly department?
Still a lot about the same as it was before.
So, you know, almost completely all over him.
Right.
I stopped checking once it got to the shorts area.
Yeah, fair enough.
Flint is for sure wearing shorts.
Right.
I mean, I mean, I mean, he is in shorts
and a Hawaiian shirt.
If I remember correctly.
That was the only thing he packed when he went to Callamport.
So beach dwarf.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, I'm going to take it as good news, right?
Yes, I think we have to see this as good news.
What should we do?
Well, I mean, no one's done it yet.
Probably sign his shorts.
If he had broken bones, we'd be signing casts all over the place.
Oh, I see what you mean.
OK, yeah.
But like, what else could we do that's more constructive?
Oh, like helpful.
Oh, God, I don't know.
Yeah.
Well, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Tell Gare.
What about if we got one of those
pens special for cloth with the puffy?
Puffy paint.
Yes.
I think that could work.
If we're going to sign his shorts.
Yeah.
Was not following at all.
You know what?
Because we were used to Yenbul making a joke.
It landed weird and I loved every second of it.
I don't know that Yenbul was making a joke.
I think Yenbul might have been being earnest.
Listen, I don't know.
I feel like I failed him.
The one thing that could help.
We didn't do.
And now we are on this island.
We are literally on an island that is an island in this crazy orcas world.
And I don't know if we're ever going to get him back.
Well, first of all, you did not fail him.
He is here.
We are all here.
He's still alive for, you know, in maybe not in spirit currently,
but physically he's still there.
And everyone would be undead army if we weren't here.
So you have failed to nothing.
It begins to get warm in the tent.
And brighter.
And the four of you turn and the couple others tending to some other less wounded people
turn and begin to see this huge glowing aura coming directly from Bachman
who begins levitating from his bed.
Well, I mean, that's new.
That's got to be a good sign.
Yes, that's must be good.
We should go.
We should go get that dragon lady.
We cut to a very quaint cottage just out like just outside the city.
Opalite breaklists has led Mooklim and Sully to this.
Well, we're here.
I'll go knock on the door.
They don't like they don't take kindly to strangers.
So I should probably be the first one that they see.
Okay.
I mean, it's your counsel.
So, you know, of course, I do.
Yes, as the old saying goes, kings lead the way.
Oh, I like that saying.
That's good.
Here we go.
He hops over the gate.
That's that's there kind of just side steps through the path.
Just watch my foot.
Watch where my feet go.
This is how you want to walk through.
Okay.
Anybody else think this is booby trapped?
I'm just going to we should just wait.
We'll just wait at the gate.
Just wait there.
I'll bring them out.
Yeah.
He knocks on the door.
This is probably a trap, right?
Oh, this definitely feels like a trap.
Okay.
The door creaks open.
Night hunter.
Good to see you again.
I know it's been a couple days.
Got some friends here.
Would love to ask you some questions about some fruit and a quest.
Has it only been a couple days?
I feel like you were here 45 minutes ago.
Yeah, I see.
Well, I might have been.
But is Elia here too?
We should probably bring her along.
Night hunter.
Who is it?
Oh, Elia.
Why?
Hey, Elia.
Is it the nice...
Yeah, long time no see.
Yeah, you could have gotten up to this one.
Hi.
Oh, Paul.
It's um...
Hi.
You're looking for...
He needs fruit?
No, it's just any fruit.
Tell him.
Magic fruit, right?
Oh, who are you yelling at?
The people.
Hello.
Oh, you brought some friends.
I did.
And I told them that you knew everything about all of the fruit on the island.
Especially the magic ones.
What?
I'm not...
Elia, remember what we...
We just had a conversation about this and always helping him.
And the co-dependence that comes with...
It's not fair that he just shows up and expects us to find magical fruit or supply a quest.
Boundaries is what we need.
Opal just turned and giving the thumbs up to Mooklim and Sully.
Like, this is going...
This is going well.
We'll get you your fruit.
Guys, this doesn't look like it's going well.
I don't think he's getting the job done here, guys.
King Opal, is it...
Should we...
Hello?
Hi.
Should we come over or do you...
We're looking for some magic fruit?
Just one...
One minute, please.
Opal, you cannot come here.
Why not?
Every...
Like, nine times a day.
Okay, but we're only up to seven, I think.
It is noon.
Okay, well, I won't come two more times.
Okay, okay, well...
I guess that's something.
Hmm, yeah, because we'll all be together.
Going on this mission.
And what mission is that?
To find the magic fruit, Elia.
Like the good old days.
Why do we need magic fruit?
Tracking down dragons.
Going to cake making contests.
Going to stop Little Red Riding Hood
and seven dwarves and somebody else who disappeared.
Yes, those were good times, but...
Why fruit?
Well, because they said they needed fruit that was magic
to save some old dude in a tent who they say is a god.
I can't help overhear his explanation
and it's not quite right as Moot's like gingerly walking through the...
Step where I step, bud.
Step to the left.
They sound kind of reasonable.
Maybe we'll talk to them.
He has not ever brought people here, so...
That's true.
Perhaps we could just...
Okay, come just one moment.
And Elia disengages the traps in the pathway.
A remote switch in the door.
Obviously.
Yes, yes, come in.
Okay, so I overheard a little bit of the exchange there
and there's a few key details that are missing
that the gracious king here missed in his relaying the story.
Basically, we have some friends who are comatose,
one of which is a god,
and we need any sort of help you can give us in order to heal them.
We fade out on this conversation as the door closes
and everybody goes in to discuss all of the details
that Opal Lightbrite Cliffs has fucked up.
Dumbgeons and Dragons Season 2 Episode 104
Starring Amy More as Thea Amastasia and Sullivan Sleight.
Carla Maxted as Yimbel Nury and Glim.
Tom Laird as Tulgear Heavyfoot.
Flint Firebeard and Moot.
And Russ More as your Dungeon Master.
Editing, production, and sound design by Russ More.
This episode featured music from Epidemic Sound
and sound effects from Epidemic Sound, Boom Library, and Sound Ideas.
A huge thank you to our supporting producers.
Gabriel Lynch, Jessica Babyok, Kat Waterflame,
Daryleth, Jacob Madden, Devin Michaels,
Christian Brown, Aaron Stevens, Lulahan,
Sharlee Warley, and Craig Zeiss.
To support Dumbgeons and Dragons and our many other productions
and get access to an exclusive podcast called The Adventures Of,
bonus episodes, and much more,
please join our Patreon at Patreon.com slash dumbdragoncast.
You can also follow us at facebook.com slash dumbdragonpodcast
and on Instagram and Twitter at dumbdragoncast.
Thank you for listening.
Have a great week.
We'll talk again soon.
Russ is like four fucking things written down on his piece of paper.
He doesn't know what the hell is going on this episode.
They're very important things that I've written down.
There are nine characters, Amy.
I don't have to plan it.
All I have to do is say who's in a room and there's a scene.
Are you ashamed of yourself right now?
No.
Shameless.
What?
Interesting name of a town that you've picked.
Yes.
So random.
I've never heard it before.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Apparently, I only have four things written down.
You guys are just momming it with like cold cloths.
Cold compress for the wind.
They also just want to feel like they're doing something.
Everybody just make sure you press the back of your hand
to their forehead every once in a while to see how it is.
Exactly.
Hold a mirror up under their nose just to make sure.
Also, if you could steer me to your intern memorial wall.
How do you know about the intern memorial wall?
I've just heard of such things before.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.